just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
