upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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