maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
