i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
