That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
