Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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