she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
