oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
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Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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