She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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