I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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