We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
