I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
