Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You may now shotgun with the bride
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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