Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
