It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
