just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
