Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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