when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
