It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
