Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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