And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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