Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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