dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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