my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
