WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
