Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
