It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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