She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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