Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
