lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
