I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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