Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
