My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
