My first STD was from a foam party
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
