12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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