Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
