He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
