I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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