eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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