I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
