Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
