Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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