mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my poor anus
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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