Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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