and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
