yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
