Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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