He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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