Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
