ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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