so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
