Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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