It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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