Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
