This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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