Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
