He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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