I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
