I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
