i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
