Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
