i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
