I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
