would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
