Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
