No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
