i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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